I don’t know if you know this, there are a lot of hipsters in Austin. Hipsters are strange folk that do strange things that most of us non-hipsters don’t understand. A couple coworkers of mine, Anthony and Allen, became associated with a group of hipsters that recently decided to have a regatta. The rules of the regatta, as I understand are as follows:
- you must build the boat yourself
- you can only spend $50, but you are allowed to use any items you find, a.k.a. trash
- you cannot use anything that is specifically designed to float or be a boat
- you have 24 hours to build your boat
- mass consumption of Lone Star is strongly encouraged both during the build and during the race
- the boat must be human powered, no wind sails or motors are allowed
Merri Su and I felt that it was our obligation to observe and document what I will, from now on, refer to as Trash Boat Hipster Regatta 2010. Moms and Dads, don’t worry, we didn’t build boats or get into the water. Merri Su is too smart and I didn’t drink enough Lone Star.
Here’s Anthony with his boat, The Misprint Mistress (I actually don’t know what the real name is, to be honest).
Don’t forget to notice the cup holder and the duct tape repair kit inside The Misprint Mistress. They are key features.
Here is a photo of Allen with his boat, Large Barge.
The tarp canoe was very popular. However, there was only one phallic surf board.
The U.S.S. Log Jam may have been the most appropriately named vessel.
There were boats made from pinwheels, tubs, and doors.
As we got closer to the start of the race, I helped Anthony launch The Misprint Mistress.
Finally, I can’t believe it took so long, we have our first disaster in the day with The Pinwheel. Fortunately, she was saved and The Pinwheel actually finished the race intact.
What, you think ahipster can’t make a paper mache boat? I have proof! It may require a bit of duct tape, but it’ll float. Right?
Many boats had coolers, one boat may have taken it too far.
Just don’t try to sit in the cooler chair. Wait! I said don’t…
Anthony’s boat actually looked pretty good! In the foreground, you can see The Paddle-wheel Bike-Boat being launched.
The Paddle-wheel Bike-Boat was a styrofoam platform, reinforced with plywood, that had a wheel-less bike on top that was attached to plywood paddle-wheels.
The boat’s builder had trouble clipping in.
Unfortunately, I don’t think the bike and paddles work well without the floating platform.
So, how are you supposed to ride in a small boat held together with twine?
Wait, don’t answer that question… don’t sit on the boat! Oh crap…
As the race begins, I can’t help but to notice the random observers in kayaks and on boards that are specifically designed to float who all have life vests on while the hipsters on top of duct taped together trash do not. I’m starting to think that this regatta may not have been the best idea.
The race was to the dock in the distance and then back to the shore where all the boats were launched.
Surprisingly, most of the boats were sea worthy!
Unfortunately, The Paddle-Wheel Bike Boat was not.
Bananarchy is in the lead followed by a boat made of paper mache and a canoe made of a blue tarp.
And Bananarchy, made almost entirely out of corrugated plastic and duct tape, backs in for the win.
In second place… a boat made out of paper mache?!?
And Garrett’s tarp canoe cruises in for a respectful third place finish.
What happenned to that tiny boat held together with twine?
(Don’t worry, all of the boats that didn’t quite make it were fished out of the water and brought ashore. We Austinites all love our lakes.)
Go Anthony!
Go Allen!
Why is there a dude in the water back there? Whose boat sank?
Mike, what do you have in your kayak? What are you dragging?!?
Oh no! That was the U.S.S Log Jam!
Anthony cruises to the finish line.
You’re almost there, Allen.
That outrigger doesn’t look heavy enough, I wouldn’t lean to your right. No, your other right!
I was, fortunately, wrong when I told Allen that the following could only end in tears.
Here’s a photo of the top two boats. The damage to the paper mache boat was actually done while trying to pull it ashore.
The Liz joined Anthony for a quick float.
Overall, it was a great day.
Really awesome.
Until I got back to my car. Unfortunately, someone hit my car while we were watching the regatta. My car was parked at some little league fields. I asked the parents at the park if they saw who hit my car. While one of the kids playing baseball said that it was his brother “Drew”, none of the adults saw what happened. When the police officer showed up, he was too scared to talk to any of the witnesses because “one of them probably has a gun and they’ll just deal with it themselves”. I’m not happy that the APD is scared of all Hispanic-Americans, especially those that are clearly family loving people that are simply watching their small children practice baseball. I’m also upset that those same family loving Hispanic-Americans obviously saw who hit my car and decided to pretend that they saw nothing when I asked them.
I’m not sure how bad my car is damaged, but it doesn’t look too bad. It looks like a simple bumper replacement but who knows what else is bent/broken/fuckedup. I parked inside the lines and the back end of my car was moved by the collision. Make your own conclusion.

























































